i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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