he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment