I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
