Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

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  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3600) Bad night (445)
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  (518): View more from New York

  everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.

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  (518): everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/bvtl
  Replies (30) Good night (3976) Bad night (703)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

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  (615): You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove. http://tfl.nu/nj9j
  Replies (42) Good night (5773) Bad night (823)
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  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

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  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (8093) Bad night (1170)
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  (914): View more from New York

  my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip

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  (914): my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip http://tfl.nu/6k4u
  Replies (11) Good night (1649) Bad night (4762)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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  (717): It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/8d6y
  Replies (8) Good night (3484) Bad night (843)
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  (909): View more from California

  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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  (909): I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar http://tfl.nu/dhbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1647) Bad night (555)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?

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  (217): I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high? http://tfl.nu/4i2m
  Replies (23) Good night (2780) Bad night (653)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?

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  (908): how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency? http://tfl.nu/6372
  Replies (7) Good night (375) Bad night (1188)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?

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  (267): A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices? http://tfl.nu/eop4
  Replies (8) Good night (542) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.

  (425): View more from Washington

  are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?

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  (360): ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear. (425): are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again? http://tfl.nu/6nto
  Replies (2) Good night (1240) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.

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  (660): The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working. http://tfl.nu/zgl5
  Replies (5) Good night (1155) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.

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  (405): yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt. http://tfl.nu/yslp
  Replies (6) Good night (1155) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

  (1-415): View more from California

  I don't deserve you.

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  (415): I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week (1-415): I don't deserve you. http://tfl.nu/jnri
  Replies (6) Good night (2145) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."

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  (973): Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel." http://tfl.nu/he4q
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (311)

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