If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
