exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.