Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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(801): View more from Utah

No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Read it at the TFLN blog
(530): View more from California

So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.

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(903): View more from Texas

Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.

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(518): View more from New York

Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you

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(319): View more from Iowa

I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.

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