Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

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  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (8380) Bad night (777)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

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  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9856) Bad night (1086)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care

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  (201): he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care http://tfl.nu/es4g
  Replies (14) Good night (1437) Bad night (4003)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.

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  (916): How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology. http://tfl.nu/cnij
  Replies (34) Good night (1177) Bad night (3768)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.

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  (608): Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker. http://tfl.nu/j5xk
  Replies (16) Good night (3888) Bad night (953)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I intend to get homeless drunk

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  (403): I intend to get homeless drunk http://tfl.nu/9yk9
  Replies (20) Good night (5070) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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  (559): The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway. http://tfl.nu/e3fd
  Replies (7) Good night (2678) Bad night (873)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Are you still goin to the xmas party?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Yaaaa why?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .

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  (902): Are you still goin to the xmas party? (1-902): Yaaaa why? (902): Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field . http://tfl.nu/wque
  Replies (5) Good night (1703) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few

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  (617): I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few http://tfl.nu/zw2s
  Replies (8) Good night (989) Bad night (2042)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.

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  (+61): Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness. http://tfl.nu/4vgt
  Replies (1) Good night (915) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?

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  (509): In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married? http://tfl.nu/eg0w
  Replies (6) Good night (645) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I can't wait to read your obituary.

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  (815): Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her. (507): I can't wait to read your obituary. http://tfl.nu/uin6
  Replies (4) Good night (1343) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.

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  (724): Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/ekml
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you

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  (816): If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you http://tfl.nu/tk9b
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!

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  (908): you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?! http://tfl.nu/kjl1
  Replies (2) Good night (842) Bad night (278)

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