Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (4026) Bad night (1417)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35987) Bad night (1089)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

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  (201): "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits http://tfl.nu/qyqs
  Replies (54) Good night (4830) Bad night (554)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word

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  (513): Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word http://tfl.nu/dxvq
  Replies (57) Good night (4195) Bad night (997)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

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  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6767) Bad night (1058)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes

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  (563): he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes http://tfl.nu/4qyv
  Replies (22) Good night (1310) Bad night (4917)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

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  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (18) Good night (7178) Bad night (765)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

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  (541): Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid. http://tfl.nu/2ym3
  Replies (25) Good night (7497) Bad night (825)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.

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  (856): I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything. http://tfl.nu/b77d
  Replies (8) Good night (3818) Bad night (763)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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  (717): ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk. http://tfl.nu/2qzx
  Replies (4) Good night (1808) Bad night (731)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!

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  (402): WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?! http://tfl.nu/drpl
  Replies (21) Good night (1477) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!

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  (802): Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy! http://tfl.nu/gv3p
  Replies (10) Good night (1165) Bad night (384)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.

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  (971): I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day. http://tfl.nu/yn9t
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (207)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.

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  (715): My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick. http://tfl.nu/97n3
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (223)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices

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  (505): I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices http://tfl.nu/5rdl
  Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (166)

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