Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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