just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
