True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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