every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
