I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
