I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
