You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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