we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
