found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
