youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am mentally ready for anal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
