My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
