I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
