after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
