Slut skills are useful in every country.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
