i think my tv is drunk
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
