Kiss
Puke
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
