very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
please come you make the beer taste better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
