glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
