this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
