she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
