Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
