Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
