There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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