I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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