also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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