She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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