Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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