real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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