i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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