I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize