Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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