Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
