Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach