Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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