there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
