The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
