Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
