I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize