Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize