I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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