Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
