If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
