I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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