So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
