how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
