Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
