I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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