Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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