You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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