I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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