i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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