I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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