I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
