my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
