Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
